Different Worlds

They found out who had beaten one of our students to death in June. Christian would have been a senior this year. I don't remember him that well, but he seemed quiet enough. Evidently, he became entangled in Latino gangs. Fellow students--15 and 17 years old--were arrested, so the news reported this morning.

Of course, the news can't report the pain left for this young man's family members and friends. Nor can it completely explain why teenagers (sometimes pre-teens) join gangs in the first place. I tend to agree with the theory that gangs usually act as a surrogate family, helping young people feel wanted. I think the same sad impulse is behind many teen pregnancies.

Auburn High School, where Christian attended, is made up of diverse groups not often found in inner city schools. Because we have both the gifted and fine arts academies here, we have not only highly motivated and talented students, but also ones that come from in-tact, financially secure families. Almost 1 in 5 of our students receive special education services of some type, however, and almost 70% of our students are on free/reduced lunch.

I grew up poor and took honors/AP classes; some of our financially disadvantaged students perform brilliantly in their classes. However, there are some of our students who have difficulty overcoming barriers--some imposed externally, some internally.

I am pleased that we have this kind of intermingling at our school of students who often come from such different socioeconomic/cultural worlds. It's important to learn about and from each other--and sometimes, all it takes is an encounter in a hallway, lunchroom or class to change a life. On a more practical level, we Americans need to learn to deal with all types of people--and going to school together in a non-cloistered atmosphere certainly prepares us better for the "real world" beyond high school.

Risks and Addictions

I once had a friend who allowed smoking to rule almost every aspect of her life. When she was pregnant, I saw her smoking. She was hired at a job, but on the condition that she couldn't take smoking breaks. The very first day she was fired when she left her desk to smoke out in front of the building. My husband and I struggled through a bad snow storm so that we could deliver Christmas packages to her house. She promised she'd be home all afternoon--but when we called several times (during the era of mainly land lines), we got no answer. Later, she told us she'd run out of cigarettes and had gone out to get more.

She's an extreme example of someone addicted to something that greatly affected her very being. Some ONE can also do this to a person--think of the astronaut who left her children behind to drive hours away to confront her perceived romantic rival.

But some of us are on the other end of the spectrum....we are so low risk, so lacking in the "addiction" gene that sometimes we go through life, as Flannery O'Connor put it, on "neutral." We don't get into a lot of trouble--but then we don't do much of anything at all. We're afraid to try or of making mistakes. We often eat the same foods over and over again. If we travel, it's often to places we've visited before. Even if we pick up the pen to write, we often don't have enough commitment to see a piece to the end.

Somehow it would almost seem ideal if high risk could combine with low risk to create an individual who took calculated, logical risks. Who finished what she/she started, even if it meant making some mistakes. Who walked into a party where she/he didn't know anyone.

Once in a while I've been able to be a risk-taker--when I went to Japan for two years, for example. This experience paid off richly. However, I did try out some perilous roller coasters and I fear them just as much now as I ever did--only I refuse to board them any more. I find I take fewer risks as the years pass--middle age, complacency, fear? Or perhaps I enjoy some stability in a life that didn't always offer a steady path.

Springing into Change

Spring brings changes....the days (thankfully) grow longer and eventually warmer. Of course, in Illinois it can be swimsuit weather one day and snow boots weather the next. My husband put up the birdhouse on a sturdier pole and a sparrow family moved right in. I've joked that since the birdhouse is made of barn wood, the sparrows have the aviary equivalent of the Taj Mahal. And of course, it's a joy seeing the earth reawaken again, with tulips, daffodils and crocuses breaking out into the world, if for only a brief time. Even the prairie smoke plant has survived the winter and will soon be blowing in the wind, reminiscent of its name.

But some changes are more difficult. At work, many colleagues received "RIF" (reduction in force) notices. I hope I see them next year, but there's no guarantee they'll be back at my school or the district at all. The superintendent cited "change" as the major reason for this upheaval. The inner city children of our school don't really need this kind of change--many have had enough adults walk out of their lives already.

Staying home during spring break was a good change, although at times I felt less than ambitious and at other times even rather lonely. But I've had my feathered and furry friends to keep me company. Cats are especially notorious for disliking change, although they enjoy having me back home. What they won't like is my return to school. I can't say I'm fond of returning this year, either. I love our students, but I've had personnel issues all year.... And there's the RIF situation....and there's the receptionist desk where Carol used to sit and never will again.